GUILT & SHAME AFTER SEXUAL ABUSE/ASSAULT

Guilt and shame are common responses after being sexually assaulted/abused. After being sexually abused repeatedly I carried around a great deal guilt and shame in-spite of being told I was not responsible.  It was like I held secrets deep down inside that their comforting words could not reach.  Until one day (in my twenties) I was taught that abusers use shame to manipulate their victims into silence.  So, they may use natural bodily responses to stimulation to shame you, or to say you enjoyed it or that you wanted it.  Your body will naturally respond to someone stimulating it and you have no control over that, that is a part of our sexuality.  In one of the instances the manipulation was simple when I tried to end the abuse, I was told “if you don’t come over again “I will tell ... what you have been doing.”  As if I was responsible at 8 ( approximation, unsure of exact age) for what he did to me.  All of that and more was buried deep down inside me way into my adulthood.  God knows what you need to hear and when you need to hear it.  Sometimes a little truth goes a long way, if I didn’t learn that it was a regular love tactic of abusers to manipulate and shame their victims, I would still be ashamed of what I went through.  

Unfortunately, when I felt this deep level of shame I did not know why. I was very disconnected from my feelings related to the abuse.  But I can tell you if you have suffered some sexual abuse/assault you don’t have to feel shame or guilt for what you have suffered. If you carry the weight of thoughts and “secret” manipulations that still cause you feel guilt tell your Heavenly Father He can bear it.   This is called False Guilt learning to distinguish this kind of guilt will help you in the future.  I don’t know that I disclosed why I felt so guilty to those closest to me, when I went through it, not sure why not.  But I would say if you choose to do so make sure that person is trustworthy, emotionally and spiritually mature enough to handle your guilt secrets.   

Everybody’s journey to healing is different.  But support is very helpful to your healing process.  This is a part of my journey through shame and  I encourage you to seek help if you need it.  You are not alone.  You are loved.  You have worth.  “We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus “Romans 8:37.