FORGIVING THE UNFORGIVABLE (SEXUAL ABUSE/ASSAULT)

Forgiveness is crucial to moving forward, to our well being, to healing.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you excuse their behavior, it doesn’t mean you can’t pursue legal actions against your offenders.  Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, you do not have to be friends with your offenders if you forgive them.  You can have healthy boundaries with your offenders while forgiving them.

Forgiveness is surrendering your right to get even.  Knowing that there is a God that judges justly is great comfort.  I am not speaking of offenders having to go to jail because you press charges, those are the natural consequences of breaking the law.  

I kept hearing I needed to forgive, but somehow I was unsuccessful.  I didn’t know how.  For me the anger was also buried, I couldn’t tell you all that I was angry about.  This one is a very difficult one.  When I found out that they used manipulation to keep me returning or to silence me, all the anger surfaced. I was not okay.  But as time went on it was helpful because now I could really forgive.  You have to acknowledge the pain in order to forgive.  I also had to accept the consequences of being sexually abused (learned this from a book I read), example flash backs.  For me the flash backs were more challenging to accept because they also came with overwhelming emotions, including anger, which can be confusing when you are choosing to forgive.  Once I accepted the flash backs as a consequence of being abused it was liberating because I knew that God could heal me whenever He chose to.  Until God heals me I remind myself I have forgiven.  Sometimes you have to forgive more than once.

Let me tell you that I walked around with this dark cloud over me, specifically made for the abuse, and extra weight on my shoulders that I did not have to carry every day.  I had a hatred in my heart that seemed to turn on and off toward men.  But now, no such hatred exists.  Since I forgave my abusers by God’s grace I have felt more able to overcome some of the obstacles/difficulties that pop up as a result.  After I forgave I have hope that I don’t have to be controlled by what had happened to me.  God has given me just a little bit more courage just to live my life.  I could go on and on about the liberation and benefits I received because of forgiveness, but I won’t go on and on.  My verse during that time was John 8:36: So if the Son sets you free you will be free indeed.  

This is some heavy stuff, please never be afraid to reach out for help.  You’re never too old or too young to address these issues.

I pray God will help whoever is reading this that needs to forgive the strength and the courage to forgive. 

Remember you are valued, loved, and held by an Amazing God.

This song has been very encouraging to me, I hope it encourages you too.

https://youtu.be/DXgMdMc7dg8