Let’s Normalize Allowing People to Work Through the Long Term Effects of Trauma

 Healing from sexual abuse can take a lifetime. The severity of the abuse, frequency, and type affects the long term outcomes.  Even, when you have forgiven you may still have some issues that come or long term effects.  So, forgiveness is necessary but not always the only solution.  

For example, for me if someone is forcing themselves on me consistently to show them affection, I have felt anxiety and sometimes sadness.  I never knew this was a trigger for me until later in life.  I had to start paying attention to what triggered me so that I could start setting healthy boundaries.  Triggers often create the feeling of lack of control over one’s own body or life, that what you say doesn’t matter.  The control I have over that is being careful of my environment and how I respond at that time.  For some, it may be that certain smells of situations that trigger a memory or a feeling and they have to work through that so that it doesn’t destroy their whole perspective.  Having memories or triggers doesn’t mean forgiveness hasn’t been granted.

If we continue to have a get over it mentality, sometimes those unaddressed feelings turn into maladaptive behaviors.  Even though you do not have to focus on the effect or the abuse, it is important to face the issue or the feelings that were triggered and confront it with truth, then move forward.  For instance, if the situation isn’t a threatening situation, I remind myself it is not threatening and that I have control over my own body.  Speaking up also helps with the idea that what I say doesn’t matter, when my boundaries have been crossed.

Please understand, oftentimes, people who have experienced sexual abuse do not have control how often memories recur.  There are so many triggers. It has definitely become a bit easier for me over time because the truth is winning.  

This is more of an educational post because I recognized there are some misconceptions out there.  When we stop putting so much pressure on each other and on ourselves, we can walk through these challenges with more ease.  

“He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning and peace for despair.”

Isaiah 61:3