The current social climate has brought sexual assault to the forefront with the #Metoo Movement and is freeing men and women from the silence of having dealt with sexual assault at some period in their lives. It seems like the opportune time to share my own journey that I am currently on with God as He takes me through my own healing of childhood sexual abuse, in the hope that what God has already brought me through will bring healing and hope to someone. I pray that someone who is just beginning this journey would understand that they are not alone on this journey. This is not a counseling blog, it is not to intended to replace professional help, please do not be afraid to seek professional help for dealing with any form of sexual assault that happened at any point in your life no matter what sex you are. I am woman who is passionate about telling others, male or female, where their value actually comes from when they seemed to have lost it. So, I will start there the Bible says in Luke 12:7 “Why, even, the hairs of your head are numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Psalm 139:13-“For You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Your value and my value comes from God, whether you have accepted Christ as Savior or not. He loves you when you don’t love Him and you were created in the very image of God. Your value does not change based upon how others treat you, nor does it change based upon your performance or anything else for that matter.
Now, I did not always believe the fact that I had any value
at all. I lived many years of my life
believing that I had no worth at all and trying to find it in other things
because some people trampled all over it.
The awesomeness of finding your worth in God and knowing it cannot and
will not change has been slowly building those broken places back up. Knowing that God loved you when you did not
love Him back and found you to be “of more value than many sparrows” is
freeing. That means His love is not
based on my performance or lack thereof and it makes me want to love Him
more. I was molested by a few different
men at different times repeatedly when I was about 8 years old and again at
13. The age of 8 is an estimation
because my memory isn’t perfect with regard to the exact number, but one of the
men continued beyond that period even though I tried to stop it as well. It was like walking around with a target on
my back that I could not see. I could
not understand why, I kept being molested by different men. Before you think my parents or caregivers
didn’t properly protect me, I have to
tell you, I was one of the most sheltered kids you may ever know, and I was
properly supervised. It has never,
crossed my mind to blame my parents or caregivers because these men were good
at what they were doing.
You think that childhood sexual abuse just goes away,
especially if it happened a long time ago.
But sexual assault has, oftentimes long term ramifications, especially when
it is not dealt with properly. I
struggle and struggled with depression.
I have had flash backs. It has
led to unhealthy relationships with others.
Sometimes, people who have been assaulted are re-victimized, which
happened for me in childhood but in adulthood I ended
up in controlling relationships.
If you struggle with suicidal thoughts, don’t be afraid to
reach out to someone you can trust or a professional please.
So, let’s end the silence and begin to learn to live in the
freedom that Christ intended for us to have.
John 8:36- “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free
indeed.”
